Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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