New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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