I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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