You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
