She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize