There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
