So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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