At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
