life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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