Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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