sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
