Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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