i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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