Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
