Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
