I feel great
I just peed on a car
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
