I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
