why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
