There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
