im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
