I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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