the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
