and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
