I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
