I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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