I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
