Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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