david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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