so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
