Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
