I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
