he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
