I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
