Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
