We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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