I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
