He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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