What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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