If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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