Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
