saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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