I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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