Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
