Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i was born a porn star she said
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
