Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
