ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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