I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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