do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
