I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
