It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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