Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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