Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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