im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
