kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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