Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
