I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just pee around me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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