Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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