Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
