Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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