you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
