Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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