lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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