I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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