I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
