my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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