if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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