And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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