I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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