then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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