She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
