my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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