Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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