bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
