so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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