I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
