Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
