Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
