I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
