I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
