im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
