he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
