did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I faked an abortion last night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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