dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
