On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
